New Beginnings (Chapter 2.6) " Can i take one home ?"

~~Day 7

I woke up with my nose streaming and head pounding. I could feel it coming yesterday but presumed it was being around all the smoke and drinking too much wine. Obviously that didn’t help the matter and with all of the children full of cold and sneezing all over me every day it was bound to happen. I felt completely drained all day and to be honest just wanted to curl up in bed. That morning we played with Lego and drew, I taught the children the nursery rhyme ‘ring a roses’. After they had learnt the words that was all they wanted to do, it is so cute listening to them try to speak in English. One young boy is very forward in wanting to learn and can count up to ten in French, the other children are not so confident in practicing. Just looking around you can see each child’s role and personality. One little boy is very dominant and insists on taking all the Lego and creating the biggest object possible. One little girl sits so calmly and smiles so innocently, and then when she thinks I’m not looking she will hit the little girl sitting next to her. The whole dynamics of the class is very amusing. Today has been a more relaxed day which I am grateful for because I don’t think my head could take it. I walked to the beach to my usual spot and started to think about the business in France, I am now in the right mind set to move on, I want to sell things that are not essential and move on. I need to move back into the block and save like mad, to ensure the house continues to have funds to continue renovations and I can have the opportunity to travel. I won’t be buying things just for the sake of it, I need to make France and travelling my priority. I aim to give myself £50 for the weekends this is very tight but it needs to be done indefinitely to reach my goals. 2015 will be about making the most of the free things in life, spending time with my family, walks, cycling, and painting. I can do this I just need to stay focused. At the seafront a petite African man with dreadlocks came and sat by me, I was thinking here we go! He introduced himself as Mashma, he was very friendly and spoke very good English. He lived in Rabat and ran a B & B, he spoke about his breakup from his Spanish girlfriend which had broken him. He spent the next twenty minutes helping me to practice my French and kindly offered to help tomorrow. We exchanged numbers but to be honest I don’t think I’ll be going back to the seafront café again, I didn’t come here to spend my time with men and I could see his intentions. It was nice of him but you don’t discuss relationships in the first ten minutes of meeting someone if you don’t want anything more. “Enchante, I must go back to work, Au revoir” which means nice to meet you. I headed for some lunch and caught up with my emails. Stephen was threatening to not give me the money he owed for the mortgage, for his property which still comes out of my bank. I couldn’t believe it what was his problem? I was living off £300 for the rest of the month and if he didn’t put it in then the mortgage would bounce trying to receive funds. We came to an agreement and he would put it in the following day, I’m not sure why he was being like this but all I knew was we needed to get the finance sorted as soon as possible. The more time that passes the more difficult it was becoming to be civil, he thinks I’m trying to take money which isn’t mine and I just think he is being a complete idiot. I literally have no feelings of sadness or regret for leaving, I just didn’t realise how long it would take to move on. I know it’s only been 5 months and that is not long but I thought I’d move on. I have come to realise I am now very wary of giving myself to people, what they see isn’t me really, I am honest and explain that my job makes it very difficult to have a relationship and long distance never works. So I meet with people who live a good distance away so that when I’ve had enough I can use this excuse. I thought it was a great idea but looks like it wasn’t as I’ve broke a few hearts in last few months I’m not proud of it. For now, I see that I’ve played the field and I’m tired of it already, all that happens is people get hurt and again I’m left feeling empty, so I turn to drinking and going out with my friends which was then a vicious cycle. That afternoon the children stayed asleep until 1430 which was good for me as I was feeling so ill, I was querying Ebola?! As they rose from their plastic covered mattresses on the floor their smiles as they saw me melted my heart. These children were so beautiful and I knew I was going to miss them, a young boy around 16 months toddled towards me with the biggest smile and reached out his arms for me to scoop him up. I pulled him into my arms and snuggled him into my chest, he gripped me tight and embraced it. I knew at least I was bringing love and happiness to these children for a few weeks. I felt so much that I wanted to take him with me and give him a better way of life, what will he do when he is an adult? Will he be honest and loving to his wife and kids or will he be troubled and aggressive? Walking home from the orphanage that day, I was behind a Moroccan woman and I watched an old man sat by the medina wall facing out onto the path, he lent back slightly and brought up a biggest phlegm he could and spat, aiming it at the women. I was disgusted and with a split second to react i walked a metre away from the man, thank god because he had me in his sights to attack again. I looked at him and shook my head, what a vile little man he probably hated women. On returning home I mustered up the strength to do thirty minutes of yoga overlooking the markets and then headed to the gym with Jane for a very amusing aerobic session, I actually really enjoyed the sessions they had a mix of cardio, flexibility and core strength. I was pretty much a local now everyone recognised me and was very welcoming and accepting. That evening after the gym I spoke to a few friends and my mum on skype, I told my mum that she would have to keep max my orphan dog which she was more than happy with. After a delicious salad and a decent amount of caffeine I heading back home at 9pm. It was only a 5-minute walk and it was through a busy area so I always felt safe, but that night an African man caught a glimpse of me and decided to try and pursue me. I replied to all of his question with “Je ne suis pas interessee” which translates to I’m not interested. But he followed me continuing to bombard me with questions. I took a detour into a busy indoor market stall and luckily he disappeared. I usually walk around with my headphones on to avoid unwanted attention and twice that day I didn’t have them on and this happened! Defiantly a must for walking around on your own, I don’t have the music on it just helps to avoid people trying to talk to you, nice and antisocial.