New Beginnings ( Chapter 2.11) " Did i make a mistake ?"

Day 12

After deciding to have a late start and enjoy a café au lait at the hotel over the road from the orphanage, we made it into the classroom at 0920. Megan and I had decided we would take a more relaxed approach and do as the Moroccans do and arrive in our own time. The older children were sat around the table with no activities in front of them, a few class members were absent which I guessed was due to sickness. The children were dropping like flies, they could barely keep their eyes open and had a new accessory of green goo dribbling from each nostril. To top it off some of the children were found to have nits! That morning 15 minutes before we were due to leave we were asked to join two of the older classes. I would guess they were between 4 and 5. We had not been given any information on the children we were just shoved into a room and asked to take over. We started to realise we were there to give the staff a break but we tried to stay positive and told ourselves we were making the children happy, if only for a short time. The staff did not interact with the children very much and left them to play alone, which they seemed very content in doing, or they were too scared to do otherwise. Although the staff obviously cared for the children I feel they were more concerned about keeping the place tidy. Their hygiene knowledge and levels were low, they did not understand the concept of using their hands or a tissue to cover their mouth during a sneeze or a cough, the children’s faces were cleaned with the same cloth, and medicine was given to children from the same uncleansed Calpol cap. Megan and I discussed how at schools in the UK you would have to see the school nurse and gain consent from a parent or guardian, here they were giving it out like sweets. This was place was behind times but it wasn’t their fault, they were uneducated but thought they knew best and was not willing to accept advise from any young volunteers. The older children that afternoon were a lot more self-confident and knew what they could and couldn’t get away with. For one they knew that when the teacher was in the class room they had to be well behaved but as soon as they left they could run wild. I had the added benefit to communicated with them in French and that gained me some respect. My class was quite well behaved I introduced myself to each child in turn, scooping them into my arms and finishing my sentence with “ Comment t’appelle tu ?” which translates to “What is your name”. Each child responded with their name and a hug which was lovely. Sadly, Megans’ class wasn’t as tame and charming, they were running wild paying no interest in her attempt to try and teach them anything. They knew she had a very limited French vocabulary and could sense that she was not in control. It made me think about when I was at school and we would have a supply teacher, we could sense their weaknesses and used it against them. They did not have the respect from the class to control them, or the confidence to discipline us. Which led to a totally uncontrolled class of young teenagers. It’s terrible really they were just there to try and teach us and in return they would get drama and chaos. As the children at the orphanage had no structure to their learning, anything new would not go down well. We left as the clock struck 11am and headed for a well-deserved coffee at our new favourite café overlooking the sea. We reflected on the morning, Megan was really annoyed by the whole situation and wasn’t understanding the totally lack of structure. I understood where she was coming from, but this was a charitable organisation so I didn’t know what to expect from it. After a leisurely lunch we took a relaxing stroll back to the orphanage whilst enjoying a cream pastry from the patisserie next to the restaurant. This was another French influence, the bakery was filled with beautiful pastries and cakes all enticing you to buy and enjoy them. So that we did and they were delicious even if we did feel a little bit guilty after we had been so good for three days, but we felt we had earned it! That afternoon we were blessed with looking after our usual class with the added pleasure of 4 older children. The afternoon went smoothly we drew dogs for them to colour in and then created paper aeroplanes with them which the children loved. Next we moved on to piggy in the middle and wrapping it all up with some dancing. We said our goodbyes at 4pm and headed home, that afternoon we were welcomed home by the youngest girl, Mala sat in her buggy watching Arabic TV, we gave her a squeeze and headed up to the roof top to do some hand washing. Whilst up there we could hear Mala crying, the cries got louder and louder until we realised her mum and dad were not in the house. We headed downstairs and rescued Mala from the clutches of the buggy and brought her 3 flights up too our room. I sat on the bed and sat her on my knee facing me, she placed her head on my chest and wrapped her arms around be. I didn’t know where her parents were or what time they would return, we were stuck with the dilemma of going out to the gym and placing her back in her buggy or staying in? Luckily Amy walked in which meant she now was responsible. I couldn’t understand why she would be left alone or if that was normal for Moroccan culture? That evening at the gym during the cool down they played a very slow love song which brought a lot of memories back about me and Stephen, it made me question my decision and made my eyes fill up. Was I doing the right thing? The negative things about our relationship weren’t looking so negative anymore and I was starting to wonder whether we could both change and make it work. I was looking at his photos earlier that day from Thailand and he looked like the person I fell in love with, fun, happy and handsome. I still loved him and wondered if I would regret my decision if I didn’t give it another go before he moved on once and for all? Was it even my decision to make anymore? He may be totally over me by now anyway! I have flashbacks of our last meet up which went terrible and we didn’t connect at all, I think of all the people I have been on dates with and know it would disgust him if he found out. Had things gone too far? All I know is a few days ago I was pretty adamant that I had made the right decision, now I was completely the opposite. My feelings may be created from the fact that I am feeling slightly home sick or true feelings. How would I know and I certainly don’t want to mess Stephen about he doesn’t deserve it at all. All I knew was today I missed him, is this a normal emotion when going through this situation? Should I accepted these feeling and put them to one side and continue in this direction or should I act on them? My plan was to sleep on it and reflect on them in the morning after all they do say you solve problems in your sleep so maybe I will wake up feeling enlightened. Fingers crossed!